


Everything is Grey

by sodakooh



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Arnold and Connor have this #deep bonding moment, FUCK YOU GENERAL BUTT FUCKING NAKED, Heavy Angst, M/M, Poor Connor, Why Did I Write This?, also fUCK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER, also lemme just say that Mirimea has been my fuel throughout this thing, also look at chris being all helpful and shit, god if they're reading this im gonna die, hey im soda and i suck with summaries huuuuhhhhhhh, i lo v your work, like holy fucking shit, my son - Freeform, or rather hasa diga eebowai ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodakooh/pseuds/sodakooh
Summary: What a strange world they live in.You would think that as Elders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, their soulmates would be people who they were not opposed to having an intimate relationship with.Well, apparently that wasn’t the case - at least, not for Elder Connor McKinley.---Soulmate AU where everything is in black and white until you come in contact with your soulmate.Alternatively, everything goes back to black and white when your soulmate dies.[aggressive winking]





	Everything is Grey

**Author's Note:**

> i really didn't like the way this came out o o f  
> it seemed better in my head
> 
> gosh anyways enjoy
> 
> or don't??? i don't care

What a strange world they live in.

 

You would think that as Elders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, their soulmates would be people who they were not opposed to having an intimate relationship with.

 

Well, apparently that wasn’t the case - at least, not for Elder Connor McKinley.

 

During his entire life, Connor was always told that sure, the day he met his soulmate, he would most likely be distracted by her. Of course it would be distracting; his entire view would go from shades of black to full colour.

 

But he was always told that Heavenly Father came first. He would always be there for Connor, even when she wouldn’t be.

 

So, just like his parents asked him to, Connor was focused on being a good Mormon, and almost forgot completely about love.

 

Until he didn’t. 

 

Until Steve Blade - the most confusing and distracting person at the time.

 

Connor never saw colour, so Steve wasn’t his soulmate—actually, why would he be? Boys should be with girls. Boys don’t love other boys like boys love girls.

 

That was bad. Heavenly Father didn’t want that. He thought those people were bad, and abominations, and deserved to repent.

 

If Heavenly Father didn’t like it, and if his parents didn’t, then neither did Connor.

 

So, for years, Connor simply put on a smile and prayed. Prayed and prayed again and again so that the devil’s temptation would cease to exist; prayed that turning off his emotions would be easier; prayed that life could be a little less painful.

 

And it did get easier.

 

But then it got hectic.

 

Connor had been arranging a few things in his shared room with Elder Thomas when he heard the new voice from the front.

 

“The new recruits are here!” Connor exclaimed with joy, practically running to the front entrance to greet them. They would be together for two years; of course it would be important to leave a good first impression.

 

Like the good Mormon he is, Connor stuck out his hand to greet the two new arrivals. “It’s very nice to meet you, Elder Cunningham and Elder-“

 

And then it happened.

 

As Connor smiled and looked into Elder Price’s eyes while shaking his hand, they switched from a dark grey colour to a deep hazel, and Connor felt his breath hitch.

 

There was a beautiful tint of pink dusted on Elder Price’s cheeks, Connor finding himself wondering if it was because of the heat in Uganda or because of the whirlwind of emotions spiralling inside of his stomach, just like Connor was experiencing. 

 

“...Price,” Connor finished his sentence, quickly pulling away his hand after a mere second.

 

The man in front of Connor seemed panicked and confused, and Connor could assume he wore the same expression. However, Elder Price didn’t say anything about the new colour in his life, so neither did Connor.

 

How exactly was he even supposed to start the conversation? They were… apparently soulmates, even though they were both men (from what Connor assumed) and that was clearly not something Heavenly Father liked.

 

Why did Heavenly Father do this? Why did He make Connor soulmates with another man? Was he being punished for something from a past life?

 

He and Elder Price would… talk about it later.

 

The problem was that that “later” was a long while away.

 

A few weeks after the arrival of his soulmate, Connor was told by Elder Price and Cunningham that they were going out to preach to the villagers. The Elders almost always told Connor their daily duties so that he could keep track.

 

He was the District Leader after all.

 

Connor would never admit it, but he allowed his eyes to linger on Elder Price’s figure for a moment before nodding with a smile. 

 

“Of course!” Connor said, tapping his pen - blue pen, which he only noticed a few weeks ago - repetitively on the table in a nervous fidget.

 

Elder Cunningham left first, but Elder Price didn’t leave yet. Instead, he looked at his companion and called out, “I’ll follow in a second. I have to ask Elder McKinley something.”

 

What?

 

Suddenly, the nervous tapping became a little more significant. What did Elder Price want to talk about anyways?

 

After a vocal confirmation from Elder Cunningham, Elder Price exhaled and looked over to Connor, causing the redhead’s heart to race.

 

“I… I feel the need to get something out of the way,” Elder Price began.

 

“Oh? And what… might that be, Elder?” Connor asked, putting down the pen.

 

“Kevin is fine,” he said in a small voice that didn’t suit his personality at all. 

 

“Oh. Well, uh, call me Connor, then.”

 

Elder Price - Kevin ran his hand over his hair - his brown hair that somehow always stayed perfect. He opened and closed his mouth as though he was hesitating to say something, then looked around the room and quickly grabbed a random object. 

 

“Connor, what colour is this cup?” Kevin asked.

 

A beat.

 

“White..?” Connor then murmured. Kevin didn’t seem pleased with the response, letting out a strangled, nervous grunt at the sight of the white cup in his hand.

 

“Wait - uh, that’s a bad example,” Kevin said, causing a small laugh to bubble inside of Connor’s throat. Kevin moved a little bit closer, taking a notebook which Connor had brought over with him when he first flew to Uganda.

 

_ “This,”  _ Kevin started again, voice sounding a little unsure and honestly, frantic. “What colour is this, Connor?”

 

Connor swallowed, looking directly into Kevin’s eyes instead of the notebook. “It… it’s a pale orange… with blue flowers on it.”

 

Connor’s answer didn’t seem to please Kevin once more. In fact, it seemed to agitate him which only made Connor feel worried.

 

“So… you  _ are _ the cause,” Kevin said, leaving Connor speechless. Did Kevin mean it in a good way? A bad way?

 

“I guess I am…” Connor parroted, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Can you… see colour too?”

 

Kevin let out an emotionless laugh. “Yeah, but Connor, this is wrong. It’s not possible that you’re my soulmate. You’re a man. That’s… that’s not right.”

 

Needless to say, Connor was hurt by the remark.

 

Sure, for years, Connor has been repeating the same thing over and over to himself; boys should not love other boys. What he felt was wrong, and disgusting, and he needed it to stop.

 

Hearing it from someone who he trusted? From someone who seemingly did good deeds all the time, and who had such an amazing character?

 

“I’m… sorry, Kevin.”

 

Kevin seemed to chuckle half-heartedly, running a hand over his precise haircut. “I don’t blame you, I just--” he let out a sigh, “I don’t understand. At all.”

 

Connor sunk a little in his seat. “I don’t understand either, but… maybe we could try and make sense of it…  _ together.” _ Connor was taking a large risk in saying that. Sure, he and Kevin were apparently soulmates but that didn’t mean that Kevin would automatically be okay with loving someone of the same gender. Sure, the boy thought that gay feelings were okay, as long as you never  _ acted _ upon them.

 

Connor suggesting this meant they were going to act upon them.

 

Connor was aware Kevin needed time.

 

Connor knew he could do this for Kevin.

 

“I… I don’t know. I just… I need to think. I’m sorry, Eld - Connor,” Kevin said, and it didn’t surprise Connor in the least.

 

Supportive as he was, Connor simply nodded with a small smile. “Of course, Kevin. Take all the time you need.”

 

Kevin flashed a small smile, and Connor took in the beautiful sight. His cheeks dimpled ever so slightly, and his eyes seemed soft and genuine.

 

Elder Price taking one last glance at Connor before following his companion’s lead, closing the door behind him. That one glance was enough to cause Connor’s heart to flutter, then immediately feel guilty.

 

He shouldn’t feel like his, he reminded himself. He shouldn’t be having these awful emotions towards another man.

 

Heavenly Father made a mistake. He… he must have made a mistake with him.

 

Connor was a mistake.

 

**_Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off._ **

 

Connor took a shaky breath, focusing his attention back on the sheets of paper on his desk. The Mission President asked him for a few reports, so he would do it quickly then go out with Poptarts to spread the word.

 

One warm bottle of water - the label on it was a pale blue colour - later, Connor finished his work and nearly piled the sheets at the corner of the desk. Just in time, too, because Elder Thomas politely knocked on the door before calling, “Hey Elder, are you ready to go?”

 

“Yes! Give me a second,” Connor replied, swiftly readjusting his tie and collar before opening the door. He greeted Elder Thomas with a friendly smile, still keeping the fact that he found his soulmate to himself.

 

“Alright. Let’s go and spread the word of God!” Connor beamed, and he and his companion were off.

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later in the bright, golden sun, Elder Thomas and Connor were slowly but surely making their way back. They had helped out around the village, with the occasional preaching and were both exhausted to say the least.

 

“Who’s turn is it to help with the cooking?” Elder Thomas asked, and Connor was well aware that he only asked in hopes that it would be someone other than him. They had done a lot of physical labour that day, and they were both drained.

 

Connor chuckled, then said, “I think it’s mine. I’ll have to double check.”

 

Just as Connor was about to say something else, a few indistinct shouts were heard in the distance. From what they learned in the time they were in Uganda, shouts like that were most probably caused by the General - and whenever the General was somewhere, the Elders should simply keep to themselves.

 

Elder Thomas and Connor seemed to pick up speed in walking home, but then something made them both flinch.

 

Two gunshots were heard.

 

“Oh goodness, that didn’t sound good...” Elder Thomas said nervously. “Someone must’ve set off the General.”

 

Connor nodded along to his words, glancing over at Elder Thomas’ slightly sunkissed complexion “Yeah… we’d better hurry home before he takes--”

 

One moment, Connor was looking into Elder Thomas’ blue eyes, and the next, they were grey.

 

No - everything was grey. And black. And white.

 

The gunshot they had just heard. The shouting. The delayed reaction. The fact that Elder Cunningham and Kevin were both out.

 

There was a heavy pit in his stomach at the realization.

 

“Elder McKinley? Are you okay?” Elder Thomas called out, gently placing a hand on his shoulder to snap him out of his daze. It was futile, however, proven by the gradual build of tears in his eyes as he stared somewhere at the ground.

 

“Kevin’s dead,” was all he could whisper as the steady stream of tears now rolled down his cheeks.

 

Elder Thomas seemed confused and panicked. “What? You mean those gunshots? That could’ve been a Ugandan vill--”

 

“Kevin is  _ dead, _ Chris,” Connor repeated, voice now sounding distorted and completely shattered. “He’s dead. He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead.”

 

Connor repeated those words over and over again like a broken record. Suddenly his legs felt too weak and frail, and the District Leader found himself crumpling to the floor with ragged breaths and sobs. His body was reacting before his brain could completely process what, in fact, was happening. Connor felt some sort of warmth around him, and recognized it as Elder Thomas’ arms, but didn’t react. Instead, he kept sobbing violently in the middle of a barren area.

 

* * *

 

 

Connor remembers everything vaguely. 

 

He remembers vaguely stumbling back to his feet with Elder Thomas by his side, speaking soothing words - the same soothing words he would hear after Connor had one of his hell dreams.

 

He remembers stumbling inside of the hut, some of the other Elders gathering nearby to ask him why he looked like he just cried, and remembers Elder Thomas telling them to give him his space.

 

But one thing he will never forget in his entire life was the look on Elder Arnold Cunningham’s face as he walked through the door, dark eyes filled with anger, fear,  _ sadness, pain,  _ **_regret._ **

 

Connor remembers vividly how everyone simply stared, and how Arnold’s hands were loose at his sides. He remembers how Arnold didn’t move for a solid 10 seconds, letting everything sink in.

 

Wordlessly, Connor stood up and walked over, each step causing a small thud against the wooden flooring. He took a moment to look at Arnold, tears welling up in both of their eyes, and Connor pulled him into a tight hug.

 

“He’s gone…” Connor heard Arnold whisper, voice muffled by his now tear-stained shirt.

 

Connor nodded slowly, his hands beginning to tremble again.

 

“I couldn’t stop it. He tried to protect me,” Arnold whispered again, this time voice even quieter.

 

“It’s okay.”

 

But it wasn’t. It was not okay.

 

Kevin Price - here one moment and gone the next.

 

Connor realized, in that moment, the true significance of what had happened that day.

 

He lost his soulmate. He lost the one person in the entire universe who he was destined to be with. They would never hold hands, or talk about future plans, or get to do any of those things because Kevin Price had left the earth.

 

Connor would never know Kevin’s favourite colour. Connor would never get to watch the sunset with Kevin. Connor would never spend the day simply drawing and colouring with him.

 

Why did Heavenly Father do this to him?

 

Why did Heavenly Father take away the one thing Connor could love?

**Author's Note:**

> zoinks scoob
> 
> anyways !!! go follow me on twitter @sodakooh ;)
> 
> as an apology for the heavy angst,, i'm writing another McPriceley fic <33
> 
> okay sure it still has a little bit of angst but shhh h h nobody dies  
> (er,, nobody dies in real life, at least)
> 
> kbhdbh
> 
> also i love kudos and comments,,,,,,,,
> 
> [subtle cough]


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